i'm writing paper in library now. i need insperation to carry on!

I really wanna DANce tonight !
Coming back from Dance Evocation '05, an anual performance by NUS Dance Ensemble, i really cannot stop moving in my heart!

i joined NUS Dance Ensemble when i was a 2nd year. that dance group has brought me to a dancer i never think i could be. they are not just doing hip hop, shake shake shake kind of stuff. however, they are very particular about training in a professional ballet and jazz style. i thought i was too old to train in that way since i gave up ballet when i was very young, about 7 years old. but only in DE, their attitude and passion of dance inspires me deeply in my heart and i am pushed to go beyond! it's really amazing that i used to feel painful and suffering when i was young, but now, the more painful i feel, the more happy i am because i know i am improving on my technique^^ i really enjoy being part of DE and joining the weekly tech class, doing corner to corner, turn and jump sort of things! that makes me a realy dancer, and a happy one truely =)

in last year's Feb i performed in Evocation '04. that was the time i firstly join DE and trained to be up to their standard. it was a hard time i would say. i had rehearsal three times a week and every rehearsal lasted about 3 hours. my studies were left behind and i got injured on my butt :p i was trying to do a full split without proper warm up one day. every night i came back from the dance studio, i was damn painful and tired. but i didn't give up, i was on stage for both day's performance and the last one was really a good show! i was very proud of my dance since then, and i love to be a DE member even more!

this Feb i didn't join Evocation '05. i'm taking extra modules and i know what's my limit. i chose it that way, yes, to push myself harder on my studies and trying to learn more. however, i have to sacrifice as giving up the opportunity to be on stage and shine. there's a little bitter in me actually, yeah it really is.

when i was watching the show just now, i almost felt like jumping on the stage and dance with my fellow peers! the sexy movement, the fucky music and their costum!!! oh my god!! all those were sooooo beautiful and i couldn't help myself! i was doing the same jump and turning in my heart when they were doing the same thing there! at that moment, i really felt that DANce was my heart and soul...

i will be there again, i told myself on the way back. yes! i will surely be on the stage and DANce from my heart! i'm gonna set the floor on fire and be the DANcing queen for sure! ^_*

欢乐元宵节！

今天是正月十五，元宵节！早已安排好的计划——去何叔叔家吃晚餐！他们一家是我以前的房东，大概是因为彼此都是北方人吧，我和他们特别投缘。在一起住的时候就处得很开心，搬出来了还时常保持联系。特别是阿姨每次包饺子的时候，一定会叫我去他们家做客！虹虹是他们的独生女，今年上南洋女中一年级，是个特别聪明、活泼又漂亮的女孩子。我喜欢和她在一起，她身上的阳光仿佛让我回到了十四五岁的时候，敢爱敢恨又无忧无虑的年代。今天是正月十五闹元宵，又是我到他们家串门吃饺子的时候，欢声笑语自然少不了！

每次和他们相聚都很快乐，因为大家直爽的交流方式和无所顾忌的气氛让彼此都很放松、很高兴。今天的快乐就更加如此，而且对我特别重要。前几天我并不快乐，压力、急躁、火上眉梢，简直要崩溃了。凌晨三点还在翻滚，无奈之中拨通了朋友的电话，反而招来不快……是啊，大半夜的打扰，这个世界并非只有我一人郁闷。哎，跟自己说声“倒霉”和“活该”，就这样吧，睡下。晨露在早上八点就浸湿了我的睡意，我醒了，而且感觉极度软弱。于是我去看了医生。本想要些安眠药，但得到的却是大夫的耐心的询问和开导。我没有拿到渴望的药物，是我自己拒绝的，因为有了些许自我控制和调节的勇气。可能多少也觉得即将到来的元宵之夜可以缓解近来的不快，我开始下意识的期待着今晚的到来。

带着疲惫的身躯和有些麻木的意识，我来到了何叔叔家。那是熟悉的小屋，熟悉的快乐，一进门我的烦恼就被丢弃了一半。跟阿姨家长里短，跟虹虹聊聊周杰伦、S.H.E.一边包饺子一边开怀大笑，这间平凡的小屋永远有给我带来快乐的因子。看不见、摸不着，但我时时能感觉到，也深深的浸染其中。饺子完毕，热腾腾的上桌，蘸着老陈醋和老干妈，乌阿~~~~！顶级享受！！！超值满足！！！大家看到饺子都狼吞虎咽地吃，直到吃不动为止。第一个停下的是阿姨，然后是我，叔叔；虹虹阿~~~她今天的胃口特别好，跟我们吃的频率一样，但最后只剩她一个人在吃了，还不停的说：“哇！今天的饺子好好吃哦！”

没得说，大家都吃了个肚儿歪。阿姨摊在沙发上，叔叔回到电脑桌旁，我和虹虹在她的小屋里聊着S.H.E.的演唱会、南洋女中的校服、华中的丑男、还有我正在酝酿的新发型。偶然望见楼下华灯初上，人头攒动，居然有庙会！我和虹虹一起跑下楼，拜拜佛、猜灯谜，还看大戏！虽然我没看过什么传统戏曲，但还是能马上认出正上演的就是京剧《西厢记》张生和崔莺莺拜天地的那一幕，当然少不了那个可爱的红娘！戏台上的一颦一笑，一抬腿一击头，都勾起了我曾培奶奶看京戏和以前学民舞的片断，温馨的感觉印染心头……

庙会里有汤圆！虽然我已经很饱很撑了，但还是吃了一碗，就图个过节的气氛和吉利！粘粘的糯米带着斑斓叶的香气，今年的元宵节没有遗憾了！

生活还是美好的，很多东西要细心的发掘，最重要的是要善待自己，爱惜自己，特别是对我这样的游子而言。漂泊的感觉起起伏伏，但只要心中有了定点就不会迷失。为了所有爱我的人和我爱的人，值得我不顾一切去追寻的是心中的踏实和满足，并非虚无的光环和缥缈的荣华。人应该活的真实，为真实的自我和真实的目标去奋斗，并不是盲目的追从种种诱惑。对于他人的感觉和评价，和自己无关的就甩甩头，让它随风飘走吧！要勇敢、乐观的面对生活和自己内心真正的感觉，这样才活得对得起自己，才活得有意义。

很高兴自己能体会到这些，也觉得在异乡能有如此美妙的元宵之夜，实在是一种幸运和幸福！我会珍惜命运给我的礼物。虽然它们平凡，但是他们真实，他们快乐。

今夜早早睡下，明天继续旅程！

...

i'm upset and stressed
it's almost 2am in the morning
but i cannot sleep
i'm stuck at a point
i want to consult the teacher
but...
i want to talk
but my parents are asleep now
and those friends r online at the moment
i don't know how to start a conversation with them
actually
i wanna talk
really talk
by phone
or face-to-face
but it's 2am in the morning
and i can't be disturbing
i must bear with all the stress and unhappiness
to force myself
sleep sleep sleep
because
i have project discussion in the morning
10am
oh NO!
="(
p.s.
the most worst is
i'm getting fat recently. ="( ....

手

也许我不该追逐得太久
因为执著不一定带来拥有

或许根本就看不到前头
放弃逗留靠着难以摆布的欲求

此刻麻木，仿佛到了尽头
发丝紧紧揪起
使得头皮不得不苦苦哀求

何时才能当自己的舵手
不至沉沦大海
无奈的漂流
握着匕首
颤抖
那沾满乌血又无辜无奈地一直颤抖
是否真是我自己的手

paper paper paper!!!

god...this march is full of deadlines, survive survive survive I MUST ! i can hardly start since i want to have a good topic. i become a danglling fodifier. but i must get things focused and really plan well. i must be on the toe this time since i chose it that way.

RUN !

i was stressed and tired after the whole week school work, so i decided to have a run at the track to relax. most importantly, try to shake some fat off while sweating. it was 11pm at night, only a few people was excercising there. and i was one of them.

i like running, yes i did! but i never thought i could be a runner when i was young. sickness and pills were always part of my life before, only until middle school, i found that exercising and sports were Wonderful and full of fun! we used to run very often since P.E. scores plays a part in our high school entrance exam. 30 points which covered 800m running, long jump and 1-minute-sit up seemed to be the easiest points to grab. of course, our school didn't wanted to be left behind simply because of that, so we were trained very hard and often since everyone stayed in this boarding school. with a morning run at 7am every day, three P.E. lessons per week and some afternoon exercise regularly, everyone was trained to be easily get those 30 points for sure, at least for most of us. i still remember the dusty track in some windy days, we were running rounds and rounds and kept complaining about the strict and harsh P.E. teacher. until the guraduation time we just realized, he was our best buddy! i pushed myself very hard to run and score the 10 points for the 800m, but i never thought i could be one of the fastest runner among the girls. 2'56" for 800m, that's my best record which came out on the P.E. test day for high school entrance exam.

the fun of running dose not just come from good scores in the end. we were always running in groups and cheered everybody up; of couse, experiencing the hardness and even complaining together, haha we always did! track was a good place to meet others especially to keep an eye on the people you favored, yeah~~ during that teen time =P lots of stories came out just from a glance! the guys were really good at sports and i liked to watch their basketball games. but did i really watch them playing?... if i could have more courage to stand beside the field and cheered for them. everything came just in glance i remember, lots of times i wished to but dare not, which becomes the sweet memory of my teen time ^^

i runned much more often when i was a first year staying in Kent Ridge Hall (KR), sincec i got lots of running buddies especially two closed ones, FISH and Xinyi. Fish was my neighbour from Malaysia, who is smart and fun to be with and a very talented singer! Xinyi is a local girl that i got to know during the hall orientation camp, an outgoing, warm and nice buddy! we used to jog around the campus, climbing the horrible central library uphill, or sometimes went for a slow run along west close park just behind the hostel. first year was a time with excitement, doubts and hardness i would say. for me it was full cultral shocks and homesickness. however, jogging with fish and xinyi means a confert and relax for a lost girl like me. we shared our hardness, upset and happiness as well as encouraged each other to overcome all those "can't be" and "couldn't do". yes i did make it through, while running shoulder by shoulder with them =)

second year and third year didn't seem to bring me a stronger running mood. i left KR and moved to Prince Geroge's Park Residence (PGP) during my second year, and now i'm staying at Kuok Foundation House (EB) which is just besides track. i seldom go for a long distance one which can makes me sweat a lot and feel so good after that. like i did just now, i always go to the track by myself or with one or two friend for a slow jog at night. singapore is a perfect place for running on the street or late night jog, because it's clean and relatively safe. i used to go to gym at PGP, running on the running machine facing three basketball fields outside the big window. but i sedom pay attention to the game there, or even seldom to remember to give it a glance. why? the guys who were playing there were not good enough? or they were not hansom as my fellows in middle school? i don't know. maybe it's because of me, myself. i didn't have the mood or interest to watch their games maybe. i'm in my 20s, woo....a yougn lady or a little woman, not a teenage girl with shyness and fancy dreams. i'll keep running and chasing a different tomorrow, but i wish i could stop for a while and enjoy the sights along my way. running is an enjoyment and fulfilling process when my body is activated and energized. catch my breathe, aim ahead, and don't forget to take a glance along the way ^_* !

祭

你把我推向无尽的天边
于是
我离你很遥远

打点遗憾
我们不再有同一片蓝天

不曾做错
也不曾悔过
就让答案自己晾干
顺便放逐追寻那答案的勇敢

罢了
祭奠过
便将迈向更远的广阔
算了
毕竟我无暇顾及
喧闹中那一秒
你坚定的冷漠
和我矜持的困惑

cameron highland flowers, i love them ^_*

In Cameron Highland

this is the picture i took in Cameron Highland in Malaysia a few days ago. it was a nice trip and i really LOVE that place! i wish i could take my parents there some day. it's a natural and refreshing place to be!

玫瑰校园

又是玫瑰盛开的季节，空气中满是四散摇曳的甜心，我却难以嗅到玫瑰花的香气，只见花瓣飞舞——那曾经炽热的火红色。 可能是花园城市的花朵太多太鲜艳了，也可能是我的嗅觉出了问题，自从来到这里便对玫瑰失去了兴趣。无论是火红的花瓣还是香甜的花蕊，今天感觉这些，真的没觉得有什么特别。 可能是曾经的激情被生活中的琐碎所浇灭，太多太多的东西等着我去想、去做。刚刚结束了马来西亚的旅程，回来功课便堆积如山。没什么选择的余地，一个个迎接，一个个攻破。这样的我，自然不会欣赏今天的一切。 但偶尔留心，还是能发现很多不同的。女生们精心挑选了衣服的颜色，粉红、草绿、浅黄，这些体现女孩子天真与柔美的颜色飘散在校园的各个角落；男孩子弄得更加油头粉面，发丝一股股的可以清楚地打量出者哩的用量。校园的长凳摆满了巧克力、玫瑰花和心形的饼干，也打出了 Valentines' Day Promotion 的广告。学生是最会做自己人生意的，因为他们懂得自己想要什么，伙伴们的市场便自然清楚了。 我没买那些东西，虽然我很爱逛校园的bazzar,也最爱粉红色、巧克力和饼干，但今天这一切都有它们特殊的意义，也就不是单纯、原始而简单的它们了。等明天吧，到了明天，一切恢复了正常，我便拥有360天的自由来享受我爱的这一切，也不需要任何理由。今天，先在匆匆的过往中享受几眼被 Valentines' Day 装扮的玫瑰校园，然后继续赶我的路。从Arts到canteen再到 library,今天应该没人注意依旧忙碌的我吧……

A New Year Gift !

This is a New Year gift to myself, the DANce floor of my own!

I'm not good at computer or web design, honestly not at all. But this time,I'm gonna push up myself to do something I dare not in the past. I just wanna set myself free to express, feel, share and learn. Those are the important to be a DANcer, as well as a simple girl ^_* So I create this, my DANce floor.

I like to try new things and dream, and I really enjoy chasing a different and better tomorrow. Adventure and surprise are the sparks to light up my life all the time, and I'm putting all my heart trying to make a difference and have fun! At the same time, I'm also sweet and quiet as a real girl. To catch the sight of a meaningful life, I need time and peace to feel it and really make them part of myself.

I'm a DANcer. I'll DANce until the day I cannot move, but I'll still be DANcing in heart forever. DANcing is not just about physical movements. It's a passion to find out the beauty of emotion and life. It's an attitude to come over the hardness and reach higher. It's a dream to fly and shine with my feet steadily on the floor. Yes it's here! This is the place, my DANce floor!