Chanllenging

How much challenging do I need in my life?

A lot, I think. In order to push myself harder, I need the sense of urgency and challenge to do better, always go go go. But now, I can't get it any more, I can hardly feel it any more.
I'm slack.. lazy while reading in library. Lots of things need me to do, thesis, readings, library research... but I just can't focus. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy with my course. That's the way I've chose and I believe it was the right decision at that point of time. For me, I don't normally regret anything I've done in the past, from the time I left my hometown.
But something is wrong now, definetely something is not correct...I'm puzzled...Where is my focus? What is my goal? After graduatation, then NIE, teaching...after that, then WHAT? I can't see it. From other peoples' eyes, yes I don't have to worry about the starting job, salary or PR. I'm already quite lucky in a sense. However, what is MY dream? Where is MY destination? What do I really want to do and achieve? I'm put in a blank so far...

In the past month, my concentration was my dance performance and the goal was very clear. I'm gonnna express my passion in dance on stage and perform for my loved one and all my dear friends. I'm gonna be the star and shine. So I pushed myself very hard to chase that dream. That was the drive, that was the challenge and that was my dream. But now, what's next?

I can't see it...

外面

外面的世界很精彩
我出去会不会失败
外面的世界特别慷慨
闯出去我就可以活过来

留在这里我看不到现在
我要出去寻找我的未来
下定了决心改变日子真难捱
吹熄了蜡烛愿望就是离开

外面的世界很精彩
我出去会变得可爱
外面的机会来得很快
我一定找到自己的存在

一离开头也不转不回来
我离开永远都不再回来


今天一直在听这首歌。周迅在《如果爱》里的告白，沙哑的嗓音，旋律优柔中夹杂伤感的情绪，孤独绝望中能听出坚定。一切都揉合在吉他轻轻的弹拨中，很美。

看《如果爱》时并没觉得这首歌有什么特别，但是今天，可能它正迎合了我此刻的情绪，我一遍一遍的听，听到流泪，听到心里隐隐的痛，还是一遍一遍的听……

柔柔的，小女生的孤独、无助和伤感中的坚强，一定要离开，一定要寻找自己的路，一定要改变，一定要做自己，哪怕孤独，哪怕没有一丝退路。

当初自己也是这样，下定决心离开的，义无反顾。

外面的世界很精彩，但心里还是有畏惧，因为陌生充满了那个世界，因为心底总有一份无知；因为知道一旦出去了，一切都要靠自己。怕不够坚强，还不够那么坚强。

外面的机会来得很快，我出去会变得可爱。我一直这么想。希望我能在摔倒无数次以后，还能保持那份微笑。

那么孤独的旋律，那么那么忧伤无助……

昨天的演出结束了一个月的忙碌。我是充实的，快乐的。舞台上闪亮的那几分钟证明了自己，一切付出都是值得的，我都不后悔。舞台很精彩，它值得我去坚定，值得我去付出，值得我为它变坚强。我找到了自己的存在。汗水和泪水中，我看到了自己。我明白，我对得起自己的那份执著，我为自己骄傲。

我要出去寻找我的未来，我也永远不会放弃我的舞。就算经历沧桑变故，能让我一直信守的就是这份执著。

不知道自己会不会吹熄了蜡烛，唯一的愿望就是离开。但是此刻，我想离开。带着我的执著，带着曾经经历的种种感慨，去寻找我的未来。外面的世界很精彩，闯出去我就可以活过来。

我已经出来了，还想离开，还想出去。

头也不回。我离开，永远都不再回来。

Take it easy~

I'm back to Singapore, I'm back from the New Year mood with family at my sweet home. Well, packed up everything and got on my way, I was leaving home again. It's not easy, but this time when I was just broading the snow was falling. It fell on my hair, my nose, my eye lashes... Thanks Beijing! I know it was a gift from you.

I have been keep dancing and dancing from the time I came back. Dance Evocation '06, I told myself that I'm gonna dance on stage this time, and hours of practice and rehearsing is the price to pay for my passion in dance. well well well...DANcing makes me stressed... 9am to 10pm, I can't believe I've made it.

Every dance is a fight. I have to fight to remember the steps, I have to fight to cope with the tight schedules, I have to fight against the muscle ache and the pressure of performing. Dan Dan, take it easy!

Times and times again I came back just before 11pm, feeling extreamly tired and out of breathe. I miss the simple days that I can do my own reading at the desk with a small light on, or holding his hand and just slacking around...I can get it back, just hang on, hang on.

Pressure is just part of life, don't be scared! Take it easy~~~