Chanllenging

How much challenging do I need in my life?

A lot, I think. In order to push myself harder, I need the sense of urgency and challenge to do better, always go go go. But now, I can't get it any more, I can hardly feel it any more.
I'm slack.. lazy while reading in library. Lots of things need me to do, thesis, readings, library research... but I just can't focus. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy with my course. That's the way I've chose and I believe it was the right decision at that point of time. For me, I don't normally regret anything I've done in the past, from the time I left my hometown.
But something is wrong now, definetely something is not correct...I'm puzzled...Where is my focus? What is my goal? After graduatation, then NIE, teaching...after that, then WHAT? I can't see it. From other peoples' eyes, yes I don't have to worry about the starting job, salary or PR. I'm already quite lucky in a sense. However, what is MY dream? Where is MY destination? What do I really want to do and achieve? I'm put in a blank so far...

In the past month, my concentration was my dance performance and the goal was very clear. I'm gonnna express my passion in dance on stage and perform for my loved one and all my dear friends. I'm gonna be the star and shine. So I pushed myself very hard to chase that dream. That was the drive, that was the challenge and that was my dream. But now, what's next?

I can't see it...